


Into the Forrest

by TheSilverSolstice



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Death, Heavy Angst, PTSD, Violence, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 15:57:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5831707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSilverSolstice/pseuds/TheSilverSolstice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"A mug of coffee sat on the bench untouched, the chair beside stood just as undisturbed. In the distance a gunshot was heard."</p><p>Like a cancer, like a disease Erwin lives in the forrest. He knows he can never return, look into their faces and understand the innocence in their eyes. Not anymore. But the darkness is haunting him. Hunting him. </p><p>(Erwin centric oneshot)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into the Forrest

A mug of coffee sat on the bench untouched, the chair beside stood just as undisturbed.  
In the distance a gunshot was heard.  
\---  
A man's face obscured by the blood pouring from his forehead was shouting, his words were muddled but the urgency was apparent. The sound of dozens of men's feet pound away at the mud. They charge forward into the onslaught by the opposition. It is a massacre. Mud mixed in with blood and the chorus of screams mixed with gun fire and explosions. There is no god in a world filled with so much hate and pain.  
He feels the bible in his side pocket and the golden cross imprinted against his chest. Erwin sees his enemy approaching. His human silhouette follows after. It is like the world was reduced down to Erwin and the enemy. He remembers his son's last words "Come back home" and Erwin promised. For them. He takes a step forward out of the shadows- the pain is blinding. He looks and doesn't realise how suddenly his arm could vanish so quickly. He falls.  
His screams join those of his comrade's.  
\---  
He wakes screaming. Wet and hot he tries to throw the covers off him panting heavily as the cold air hits his skin. He feels a weight on his legs and it takes him a moment to realise he hadn't lost them as well. He sees Jack, his black Labrador standing on his bed, his head bowed down and tongue stuck out in a hopeful fashion. Erwin looks to the side and saw it was still dark out the window. He sighs deeply his whole body shuddering. They weren't nightmares they were memories of only eighteen months prior. He looks at ceiling as he rests his head back into his pillow damp and heavy with sweat. He reaches for the glass of water on the bedside table, but his shaking hand only succeeds in dropping it. Jack yelps and runs out of the room into the kitchen retrieving a tea towel. Erwin knows that a tea towel won't clean the water out of the carpet but Jack is just a dog, at least he's trying.  
There were things they didn't train you for in the army.  
\---  
There is a phone call. The ringing is loud within the small hut and Erwin jumps, his heart lodged into his throat. He should be used to the sound of a phone now, but every loud noise, especially out in the isolation of the woods, caused his body to go on edge. He picks it up and put it’s to his left ear.  
"Hello?"  
"Daddy!"  
Erwin sits on the chair nearby listening to the voices of his children. They called him every second day at the same time after school, telling him about their days. He didn't see much of them since he had returned and it was for the best. Erwin smiled and nodded, hearing their voices brought him back to the time before the war. He had pictures of their faces around the small hut and it brought him joy when they thought to call. Their mother's voice never lingered on the line longer than it needed to. Erwin knew she was in great pain every time. But the pain of separation wasn't as great as the pain he would bring her if he were with them. Every now and then a man's name would pop up in conversation and Erwin was pleased to see she was finding happiness even if it wasn't with him. His listens as Benjamin asks when daddy with visit. Erwin smiles and responds that Daddy will visit soon, he promises.  
But Daddy never came back from War.  
\---  
Erwin sees him through the black circle and lets his breath out slowly. The deer looks up and steps forward timidly. It can sense he's here but he can't tell where. Erwin feels like a predator. He is in control. He can choose to take the animal's life whenever he wants. He could pull the trigger and watch it fall and die. He could so easily take away everything the animal has. He feels that power, his finger itching on the trigger. He never pulls it though. He never kills. He watches as they walk away. But it is in that moment before his loosens his finger that he thinks of his position. He shifts the gun on his left shoulder and adjusts his view.  
It had been a sniper that had shot off his arm. It hadn't been a clean shot the blood and torn muscle obscured the rest of his arm and he had soon after fainted from shock and blood loss. He had no idea how he had survived. He woke later to find his physical arm gone but he could still feel it. He promised his kids that daddy would come home… but he broke that promise. Daddy never came back from war, only a shell with one less arm.  
He looks through the visor again and looks over the deer. He is majestic and large, his antler standing tall… Erwin looks up and finds he loses his breath. It only has one antler. Just like him. He must have lost it in a fight. Now Erwin puts down the gun and smiles as the elegant creature begins to walk away. Erwin gets up and walks back to his hut. His greatest fear is death… he was surrounded by it in the war and no longer can he feel responsibility for any more deaths.  
The deer appears in his dreams that night, with one antler, still standing proud.  
\---  
Erwin stares into the fire on the opposite side of the room. It is dark outside and the soft drumming of rain hits the roof of the hut. Jack stirs from his sleep and he looks up his ears perked. Erwin pays him no attention. Erwin estimates the time is around seven or eight. He can’t tell anymore. The days and nights are one no longer separated by time but just a cycle he now lives in.  
He thinks of the deer again. He saw it once more today. It was outside the hut, this time he was the one who was watching Erwin. The deer usually didn't venture out this close to the hut so it was a surprise when he looked through the window to see the deer's dark brown eyes staring back at him. He soon walked off and Erwin wondered what the deer must have thought of the weird structure that was his hut.  
It is unnatural, Erwin was like a cancer in the forest, foreign and not wanted.  
\---  
The phone is silent the entire day, not once does it ring. Erwin stares at it, his eyes boring into the dirty cream headset. They should call soon, he tells himself repeatedly. He knows they don't ever forget a day.  
It soon gets dark and Erwin feels his heart sink. He should have known that sooner or later they would tire of calling him. He stands and starts to put the kettle on to boil. The phone continues being silent.  
It was when it was dark and Erwin had finished his dinner that the phone finally rang. He picked it up too excited to feel the shock of the loud noise completely.  
"Hello?"  
"Erwin."  
It's not his children's voices, it their mother's. She tells him some news and Erwin can't help that he cannot smile even for her. Not even now. He congratulates her and wishes her happiness. He was happy for her happiness that’s what he said when he felt the first tear. She looked beautiful in a white dress the first time...he had no doubt she would again.  
"I'm truly happy for you Marie."  
\---  
Erwin brews the coffee in the pot staring out the window. The mist had clung to the glass and when Erwin reaches out to wipe it he finds that the glass was surprisingly warm. He wipes away until the fog was gone and Erwin had a clear view into the thick of trees. He continued making the coffee. He loved the smell of it, it was strong and penetrates through his body. He lacked life he found, he lacked the passionate drive he once had. He was a shell of his former self and he felt like now he was only a silhouette of who he once was. He pours the coffee into his a chipped mug and places it down on the bench when a snap in the distance causes him to snap his head up. He looks out the kitchen window and saw the deer.  
It was like the animal had been watching him lately, following him. Erwin at first found himself marveling at its ability to stand so strong despite its missing antler. But now he felt it was mocking him, showing the version of him that could have been only he wasn't. What if Erwin had been like the deer he maybe would be home with Maria Benjamin and Eva… being the father he should be instead of the hermit he is. He stares at the deer while it stares back. It was mocking him. He tries to look away but only felt by doing that he would again submit. He could sink no lower than he did not. He walked to the door and beside the frame he picked up the gun before he walks out into the wilderness.  
Erwin could no longer live the way he does and now he knows that the only way he can be free is through his greatest fear: death.  
Erwin lifts the gun up in one hand no longer looking through the visor. The deer stares at him and watches peacefully. He turns the safety off and places his finger on the trigger.

A mug of coffee sat on the bench untouched, the chair beside stood just as undisturbed.  
In the distance a gunshot was heard and the thump of a body hitting the ground.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Guys!
> 
> So this is my first published fanfiction for SNK! I am looking forward to writing more! and definitely of my OTPS as well :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to Kudos, comment or critique! It would mean a lot to me :) Thanks!
> 
> -Mr Alex


End file.
